3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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