remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
