Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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