fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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