I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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