The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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