At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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