If i come over, it means nothing
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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