She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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