this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
