2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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