I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
