I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
