this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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