The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
