if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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