We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.