I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"