If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.