I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.