wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
