I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
