I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
