he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
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You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
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Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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