i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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