thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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