they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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