Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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