his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
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it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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