she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
