Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
