I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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