when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize