I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
