my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am spending my child support on dildos
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger