Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.