I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol