Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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