I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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