my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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