Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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