i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."