hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time