When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.