The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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it glows. i had to have it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.