Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.