then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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