Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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