Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.