no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls