woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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