yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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