I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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