someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
