my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
