I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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