when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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