I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again