whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.