every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.