Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..