now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?