I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"