I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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