Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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