your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
