The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
