Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
