cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize